The Crazy Girl ^-^

Didn’t get home till 2 this morning from work…and got up for school today as well…works going to kill AND drain me haha

I didn’t get into Uni so I thought I would get a job and earn some money instead of laying around the house, and don’t get me wrong I’m really enjoying the fact that I’m working and it’s in a pub that I really like and can transfer easily around the UK but…it was never what I wanted to do.

I always wanted to act, sing, dance and to just perform or to help make a film ect…it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do…and I just feel that it’s slipping away from me. Makes me feel more and more depressed…I just don’t know what to do. 

My depression is not ever going to improve at this rate and I don’t think it will till I leave school and get the chance to clear my head. I really need that.

I love my bf but god I miss being single…I miss having the freedom to flirt as much as I want and do what I want….

I do love my baby boy though… and I wouldn’t change that for anything or anyone

The people in my life are never the same,

Not because I don’t like them or that they are lame,

But because I fear that they’ll kill me,

Not physically but emotionally you see.

They know me so well that they can strike,

Say what hurts me…what ever they like,

They can choose to be sweet or mean,

Like a play they get to chose my scene.

I wish I could let them because I miss them so,

But every-time I try to talk…it just makes me so low,

They aren’t bad people I just imagine they are,

And my imagination from the truth is so very far.

If I could change my thoughts I really would,

But then my mind says “I don’t think you should”,

I want to be free from all these thoughts,

But it’s like standing in trial in front the the courts.

They all say different things from each other,

It’s like being in a car with my dad and my mother,

One says “let all the thoughts go”,

The other one says “don’t listen to that hoe”,

I’m sorry to all I said goodbye to,

And it’s your fault no matter who,

But I don’t want the pain,

It’s the only way I can stay sane.

So This is my note that explains all,

To show you why before I fall,

If I could at the bottom I would sign,

To show you that this is the last piece of my mind……

(Source: islifeworthliving)

I’m working finally and it’s not a bad job….however due to school I have to worth the evening shift…meaning I’m completely shattered. I finish school in three weeks though so once that’s out of the way I can work just the morning shift or still do the evenign shift just have a lie in in the morning :P

As soon as I can move out I am never seeing her again, we’ve never had a sister relationship and no matter how much I try to be nice to her or even help her she still likes to screw me and my family over, and to top it off she likes to ruin my life in any means necessaries …. and I’m not joking or exaggerating in any way. 

Good Bye Forever…I can’t wait to say those words.